She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
