So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
