My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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