You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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