Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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