I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
