Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
