Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
