Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
