she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
