you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
