I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize