Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
