How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
