you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize