You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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