remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
