it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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