so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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