A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
