I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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