Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
