I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
