I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
