I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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