My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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