remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So here I am, sexting at work.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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