a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
