I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
