this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize