pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
