We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
