it's not cheating when I paid for it
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
