can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
