just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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