i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
