It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
