$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
