I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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