She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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