I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
What drink are we having for lunch?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
