i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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