you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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