and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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