rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
