I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
