I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
