I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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