Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize