Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
