Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
