I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
how drunk are you?
Several
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
