Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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