Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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