so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Shame - the story of my life.
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