And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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