Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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