No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
