Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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