so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We left the knife in your bed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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