grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
