Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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