yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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