he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
