His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
