i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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