My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
