Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
