We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
