Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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