if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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