You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
