I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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