I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
