I love black thongs
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
